All is not lost. No one can take away my memories of the first 13 years of my daughter’s existence, from conception to the tender age of 12. Love, light & laughter. Endless hours in the playground, pizza & ice-cream. bedtime stories. She’s got my number but will she ever call? That indeed is the question…I won’t hold my breath.
She is hopelessly under the influence of her sole guardian, dastardly dada. And I am hopefully under the influence of alcohol or cannabis most days, tripping my deserted mama blues into the blue. I have been disenfranchised from my parental role. My gorgeous girl no longer wants me in her life.
Her life is full without me. Last I heard from her, she was immersed in swimming training 6 days a week with a mega crush on one of her fellow trainees, a sweet boy if ever there was one. No more room in her heart for mama. Woe betide me!
All grown up by the time she reached her teens. A young woman. No contact between us to mark the occasion of her 13 birthday last October. Nor Christmas just passed. Nada. As if I don’t exist.
My life is like a bed of wintering roses. Thorny & bare. No flowers in bloom. Blooming hell, rrroll on spring!
Wearing my rose-tinted Ray Bans, I venture forth into the sun. Fuck everything else…the rain has cleared, a rainbow’s promise. And the sun is shining.
Faith In The Ripple Effect 