Fuck it’s cold today. The last few days of January are upon us. Spring beckons. It’s a brand new year & I’m excited to be experiencing it!
My daily yoga practice has recovered after the silly season. Loving my time spent in the yoga studio. Really gets me into the moment. And keeps me in whippy shape. Happy face!
Been dreaming all sorts lately. Very vivid dreams that stay with me throughout the day. Flashbacks I’m having from the night before. This morning I’m remembering tossing my hair over my shoulder & realizing it was a long mane. Neigh!
That’s today’s flashback. Much more pleasant than yesterday’s: my estranged daughter was shouting in my face. Angry as hell with me for being a negligent mother. Not the nicest memory to be preoccupied with!
An afternoon session of art therapy lies ahead.
Not.
Ended up going for many drinks with my bestie Sinead instead. She was swilling vino & I was greedily glugging pints. Beverages were followed by an impromptu visit to the cinema. Wasn’t reckoning I had the attention span for a movie but I surprised myself & managed to sit still for an hour & a half.
The Grudge. Loada bollox!
More stillness ensued for the evening as I was life modelling for a figure sketching session in the National College of Art & Design. Me with a belly full of beer! I was posing as Cupid & then Psyche in turn, holding each other, Psyche lying back into Cupid’s embrace…challenging poses indeed but sure holding them kept me toasty. Om Aieem Namah was my mantra for the evening’s work. “My true nature is love & joy.” Love it!
Plans for the first weekend of spring are shaping up nicely. The last few weeks have been pretty fucking lame to say the least, January buzz. Singles night on Friday, as in 7 inch singles, all night long. Then a night of old school rave on Saturday with 808 State playing in The Button Factory. One of my favourite venues in Dublin. Bleedin’ rapid!
All set to visit RADE’s headquarters tomorrow afternoon for a screening of 2 short films they shot in 2019. Recovery through Art, Drama & Education, as recommended by my erstwhile addiction counsellor, Alison. RADE may well be my next venture, perhaps a promising alternative to rehab on St. Francis’ Farm. They require at least one clean urine sample from me in order for me to be considered for treatment there. 2 weeks off the ganja? Holy shit!
Turns out RADE’s premises is a dilapidated old community centre, half an hour’s walk across town & quite worse for the wear. Do I want to spend 5 days a week there? Dunno!
Met 2 of my potential fellow students. Some young guy who looked like he’d spent way too long on the hard stuff & another guy I recognised instantly, Mervyn. We first met on the 8th of December 2018 & fell down the rabbit hole together. We were partners in crime for a night & a day, flying high on vodka & cocaine. I was involuntarily incarcerated 3 days later for my sins but Mervyn partied for weeks before psychiatric services caught up with him.
The next time we met, we were shacked up in a psychiatric ward together. The bender we had set out on had eventually ended by the pair of us being incarcerated in the same institution. Dublin is such a small town!
One of RADE’s keyworkers, Laura, who seemed absolutely lovely, was in attendance at the screening. She was wondering if I was from RTE. As if! Guessing I don’t come across like one of their typical participants, I set her straight. She told me that if I like art & I like drama, that I’ll love it. I’m on the fence.
It would appear that my only other option for now is 14 weeks in rehab, unless I want to just keep plodding along as is. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Spring is rolling in. Might be a nice time to get down on the farm for a spell, get my hands dirty for a change. And partake in some super serious personal development. Yes, I’m still up for rehab. RADE is always an option when I return.
Faith In The Ripple Effect 