The state of me! Puffing on roll-up after roll-up like my death depended on it. For I was truly & terribly addicted to nice but nasty nicotine, having spent so very long in the throes of dastardly deathwishful thinking. Life, I had been feeling, was not worth living. Might as well keep hammering those nails in my coffin, puff by puff……
Death couldn’t come quickly enough, I decided, so I called on a stud-who-could to place an order for a heftily unhealthy amount of Alprazolam…250mg of Tramax, no less.
What ya want so many tablets for? The stud-who-sure-could queried…If you take ’em all, you could fall asleep & never wake up!
Yes, that was the plan exactly! I’d had much more than enough of my up & down existence, on & off merciless meds, in & out of the psych ward…enough, God dammit!
Gonna sell ’em to my neighbours. I lied.
How I hate telling lies but I was desperate to get my hands on those tablets!
Satisfied with my lie, the stud-who-could agreed to come up with the goods.
Delivery day was Saturday the 26th of February, a year ago to the day as I write this, coincidentally enough.
The following day, Sunday, a pint of Dutch courage was well had for breakfast. I was hellbent on going straight to hell.
To hell I went!
Full of God only knows how many Tramax, I absolutely ran amok, utterly unbeknownst to my conscious mind.
Next stop Accident & Emergency.
Last stop the psych ward.
History repeated.
Smoking my brains out, dreaming of death.
Fast forward to the following February…
With a lust for life & a dream of being smoke-free.
On a miserable Monday night, following a week-long bender to end all benders celebrating the feast of Saint Valentine himself…a week of smoking absolutely anything & everything…I picked up Allen Carr’s Little Book Of Quitting Smoking from my bookshelf.
An hour later I had finished reading the book & smoked my very last cigarette ever!
Yippee!! I’m a non-smoker!!
Faith In The Ripple Effect 