I am head over heels. And he is busy stepping back. Managing his feelings by quashing them. Goddammit!
Today began with a midday visit southside to see my new psychologist. Once again she has requested I keep a sleep diary, in anticipation of the madness I will ascend into in the course of the following week, celebrating the feast of St. Patrick & the event of my 45th birthday.
Last week’s sleep diary clocked up 48 hours’ sleep in 6 nights. Perfectly satisfactory, an average of 8 hours a night, although I partied Thursday & Friday night & got zero sleep until Saturday. It was with a troubled heart that I finally slept on Saturday morning, for I had broken up with my prince via fucking text message.
The weekend passed restfully but missing him so much. I was plastered to my bed by an invisible force for most of Saturday. Sunday rolled around & I had slept right through the night, 12 hours. I awoke in time for prayers with Jason & Dave, Born Again Christians the pair of them & Jason a preacher if ever there was one.
I requested a prayer for my relationship. And so Jason prayed over me after Dave anointed me with Holy Oil. Jason held me as an invisible force persistently pushed me back until I was bending over backwards. I lost my balance at one point & almost landed in the lap of a wheelchair bound resident. Luckily I simply bounced off his leg & uprighted myself. Physically, it was the most powerful prayer I have ever had.
A nagging stiffness in my neck that has persisted for months has disappeared. I noticed it was gone as soon as the prayer meeting ended. Jason told me to praise Jesus for that. Hallelujah!
And my relationship with my prince is on the mend. We are working it out, He wants to be friends with benefits, not lovers anymore, because he doesn’t trust me as far as he could throw me. I accept whatever may come as the best possible outcome. Screw compromise, that just means everyone gets screwed. And not in a good way. I’m all for creative co-operation…
He wants this, I want that. Somehow I will earn his trust. Or not. I remind myself that my Lenten goal is to have as much fun as humanly possible. This is the calm before the storm. Let the good times roll!
Faith In The Ripple Effect 